Stage 2 of 7
Need
1 month → 18 months
Where the infant’s experience of having core satisfaction of basic needs is established in the relationship with the parents, leading to the beginning of self-regulation. In an adult, the disruptions from this stage can manifest either as a despairing or distrustful attitude about being able to get you needs met, and not being aware of what your needs are or how to sense satisfaction.
Developmental themes
- Establishing own rhythms (of being awake/sleeping, hunger/satisfaction etc.) and getting your needs met in a timely way
- Begin to say yes and no.
- Feeling oneself seen/ met in contact (mirrored - imitated).
- Experiencing that others can experience me and my needs (and respond with mirroring, verbal feedback, and appropriate reactions).
- Exploring in contact with others.
- Being oneself without contact and exploring own movements and different objects around them e.g. textures and forms.
- Concrete thinking.
- Connecting words with objects.
- Connecting words with emotions and needs.
- Claiming the right to have their needs fulfilled.
- Having the right to experience a state of being fulfilled.
- Balancing between giving and taking.
- Leaning to distinguish between different needs and feelings.
Early position
Despairing
General attributes
- Mother is emotionally absent and does not meet needs of child; ex. A child left to cry alone for hours on end.
- Does not recognize their OWN needs
- Unsatisfied
- Feels abandoned; left behind
- Waiting for nourishment to come
- Can love others, but has difficult taking love in from others; cares more about others than self
- Energetically & emotionally merges with others and environment, loses self
- Frequently engages in projective identification (defense)
- Is very good at mirroring others
- Tendency towards a pollyanna outlook on life; glass half full
- “If you’re happy, then I’m happy.” ; “It’s all OK.”
- Makes use of superficial platitudes, such as “Love is all there is.”
- Tend to “babble” more
- Don’t take in or absorb energy
- Can result in anorexia.
Physical attributes
- Eyes yearning/sucking seeking expression
- Lips tend to be Full & ‘loose’
Needs to learn
- To feel deeply what they need
- How to take contact in and absorb it so it lasts. Build capacity for satisfaction
- Distinguish between their own needs and others; differentiate themselves from others & environment
Late position
Distrusting
General attributes
- Mother only half-meets the needs of the child
- Paranoid, distrustful, bitter,
- Dissatisfied
- Is certain others will not fulfil their needs.
- Feels misunderstood. Takes what they can get.
- Able to recognize their needs, however bitter that they are unfulfilled.
- Pessimistic; glass half empty
- “If I have to tell you my needs, it’s already too late.”
- Knows their needs but it only feels right when they are met spontaneously.
- Makes emotional but unarticulated demands. Typically will not ask for help.
- Gives freely but is bitter over not receiving.
- Rejects what they receive as wrong/not good enough. Takes in, spits back out.
- Typical Defenses: Complaining, Ruminating
- Nothing will ever satisfy them.
- Manage their energy and feelings by rejecting
- Can result in bulimia.
Physical attributes
- One eye sucks in, other pushes away; or both eyes push away
- Lips tend to be pursed
Needs to learn
- That they themselves know what they need
- To communicate their needs with specifics
- Build capacity for satisfaction when needs are met
Healthy resolution
Need
Satisfying: Feeling Secure that their needs will be met - As an adult, a person that is resourced will have a sense of what they need, and also how to act to satisfy that need: i.e., I’m hungry, I need to eat; or, I’m full, I want to stop eating. The adult body will have soft, contactful, eyes. They will hold their head and spine in an erect way. Their lips will be full, and they will be comfortable reaching out for their needs as well as taking in. They will enter into intimate relationships with an expectation and belief that they can express their needs to those close to them, and often enough receive a caring response. They also will be happy to reciprocate with that person’s requests for help, and will have a sense that this will mutually deepen the closeness between them.